The fabulous life of the unemployed

Well its been a while. I hate when people ramble on about not updating their blogs so I'm not going to. I even feel guilty mentioning it, but whatever, I'm done with it.

So, I'm unemployed and loving it. Here's how my typical day usually pans out. I get up anytime between 9 and 12. Ok, so I've never gotten up at 9. I guess the average get up time is about 10 o'clock. (Mind you I have already gotten up around 7 to take Kipper for a walk) I take Kipper for another walk, and usually get a coffee at Starbucks in my neighb. After that, I make myself a protein shake for "breakfast" or rarely scramble some egg whites - you see, I'm working on that killer body so I can become a rich and famous model. I'll let everyone know when that happens. 

With my tummy full and my pup taken care of, I plop myself down on the computer to work on shaping my future. I could do any number of things, and right now there is no rhyme and reason to what goes on. Foremost on my mind right now is getting solid applications out to my graduate journalism school, so I've been working on the personal statement, corresponding with my recommenders to make sure they get their rec in, ordering transcripts, sending GRE scores, reviewing writing samples and all kinds of other thrilling tasks that go into successfully applying to schools.  

Sometimes I'll look for jobs. This includes contacting friends, colleagues, and acquaintances and asking them for contacts or job leads. This includes trolling Craigslist along with millions of other people in NYC looking for a plum job, or even just a bartending or modeling gig. This includes. This includes emailing my work advisor who is "working" on getting me temp work - and I say working because so far she has done jack shit for me; not that I blame her, I can imagine she's got dozens and dozens of better qualified, needier applicants she can place for the scant temp jobs that are available. Still, the bitch could return an email. This includes applying for internships and emailing random editors telling them why they should hire me. It's often surprising where jobs can come from. But here's the catch. I don't really want a job. I'm on unemployment and its not so bad. $405 a week. That's $1620 a month for all you who haven't been keep up with your multiplication tables. Now, it's not like I'm going to be planning any Carribean vacations on this money, but it can certainly get me through the month. And I'm married now so I have my husband to support me if need be. Plus, Rick and I live pretty modestly. It's basically rent, gym, bills, and food. We hardly go out anymore, so the major bar tabs are a hazy memory. I've blown my wad on fab furniture over the past year so the apartment is nice and pleasant to be in. New clothes and gorgeous little things dahling would be nice, but I can live without. Going out to eat is nice, and we can still do that time to time. Thankfully, we are both healthy and I am covered under Rick's health insurance. Luckily, there is no compulsion to keep up with any Jones' so I'm living a pretty satisfying life. Trouble is, it clearly won't last. As lazy a person as I naturally am, I will want a job sooner than later. Once my applications are finished, I'll have nothing important to occupy my time and I'm going to feel like a giant waste of space. 

Ok back to the schedule. Working on the computer all day get monotonous so I'll take breaks from time to time to time. If it's not to cold out, I'll take lil Kippy Reno out for a run to the dog park. It's a new routine I've developed and I really love it. I run along the Brooklyn Heights promenade, which always affords an impressive view of  downtown Manhattan and the Brooklyn Bridge. I feel like Rocky training, and I can tell Kipper is so happy, with his eyes wild and alert, ears flopping in the wind. We go to the dog park which is about 1 mile, and although there are not as many dogs running around now that it's so wintery, usually there are one or two that Kippy gets to frolic with for a half hour or so. Other things I'll do to break up the monotony is surf the web, make some food, play fetch with the Kipster, watch CNN, chat online with friends, clean and do chores, play video games, stare at hot guys working out at the YMCA across the street from us, and yes, yank one out from time to time. Sometimes at the same time. Ah, the glory of masterbating mid-afternoon! Is it any wonder I'm loving being unemployed? 

Now, many of you have probably noticed my allusions to my burgeoning modeling career. I like to try and talk about it tongue and cheek because it's kind of ridiculous, although I have made good money on it before, and I have been successful at it, so I think it really could be viable option to get me through the next several months until school starts. And certainly I could defer for year if they want me to be the new face of Calvin Klein Underware. Just saying. So, in pursuit of some gigs and or A CONTRACT, I've been doing several headshot shoots with my friend and wedding photographer Sara Wight. We got some really good ones and I am working on putting a comp card together soon.

Eventually Rick comes home around 4:00 and we usually chat and he showers, takes Kippy out and sometimes takes a nap at which point I go back to doing some more work. Now we are back to the point in the day when I was employed: Rick wakes up, we watch tv then go to the gym or the reverse of that, eat and do nighttime activities, which range from having sex to making tea. 

Thanks for reading!! If you have any job leads or words or kindness, please let me know!

XO

JB

Its amazing the things you find on the web when you're unemployed. . .

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We got a new dog!!!

According to the City of New York Department of Health and Mental Hygiene. . .First of all, what the hell is "metal hygiene." It sounds like some Big Brother program to convince us all not think dirty thoughts. Anyway, this thing we got in the mail is just plain funny. Apparently Rick is the owner of Princess, a spayed Shih Tzu.

We have no idea why New York City thinks we own a Shih Tzu, but its amazing that her name is Princess.

Lisa Kudrow's brilliant new web-show

I've loved Lisa Kudrow for a long, long time. Ever since Friends and even Mad About You, way back in middle school, I've harbored a deep love and appreciation for this extremely intelligent, beautiful and hilarious woman.

I thought Kudrows portrayal of Phoebe was by far the greatest performance of the bunch on Friends and I never quite understood why Jennifer Aniston and Courtney Cox seemed to get most of the attention. Probably because they were the more conventional beauties on the show. Then came The Comeback, in my opinion the most underrated comedy series of the last decade. Kudrow has a gift with comedic timing and adds amazing subtley to every role, making her fascinating to watch. And I find much of her more recent work goes beyond pure comedy. She's not afraid to invest in a character and slowly build out her psyche. Alot of her recent material is not so much laugh out loud funny as slow-burning, twinkle in the eye, sly smile satisfaction. You almost forget she's in on the joke. She employs comedic devices such as subtle verbal tics, uncomfortable pauses, and quick eye movements to build some of the most complex comedic characters we've seen.

Take Web Therapy for example, Kudrow's new web based show which you can catch at www.lstudio.com or here, specifically: http://lstudio.lexus.com/#vid1204 . Kudrow plays Fiona Wallace, a completely self-absorbed "therapist" who is launching a new business by offering 3 minute therapy sessions. Fiona is elitist, confrontational, and awkward and I love every moment of it. She's probably the worst therapists out there, as she seems to have no formal training and spends most of the each 3 minute session addressing her problems. Flying by the seat of her pants, Wallace has chosen this new therapy "modality" because she discovered that 50 minute sessions usually amount to patients "going on and on about dreams and feelings and memories and past experiences that add up to whole lot of nothing. . ." Of course the written word does not nearly convey the way Kudrow delivers this line, complete with eye rolls, condescension, disdain. Even the 10 second introduction is a tiny slice of brilliance. Notice how Kudrow says her character's name, "this," and "therapy." Her eyes also bug out for a brief moment in excitement and she makes a little neck gesture to express enthusiasm. All this in just the introduction. Right now there are only 9 short episodes online, but they are better than the majority of the schlock that is on network tv right now. So check it out, let me know what you think, and if you haven't seen The Comeback yet, Netflix it immediately.

You know you love me
XOXO,
JB

The Fucked-Up Economy Hits Home. . .

I can't say that I didn't see it coming. Things have been bad at work. As far back as last Christmas, when Rico told us he couldn't give us an Xmas bonus, things were bad. And that was almost A YEAR AGO. That was before gas prices shot through the roof and the housing market crashed and I think every American bank went under and oh yeah, something happened with the stock market as well. So, sales were down. We moved out of our delivery company and hired an in-house delivery team. We converted the basement to a warehouse. We reduced our hours to 4 days a week for the entire summer and then some. I actually thought we were doing remarkably well considering the circumstances, but apparently not. We reached a breaking point. 

So, yesterday I got laid off. It was all very amicable. First thing in the morning. Rico praised my work over the past three years, and told me how upset he was and he gave me a hug. Anna, our bookkeeper, gave me a hug too. Rico told me that he would gladly write me a recommendation, and asked for my keys. And that was it. I was out the door, free, and unemployed. 

Its hard to describe how I feel. Its a heavy mix of emotions and I swing wildly from one extreme to the next. I've been "terminated" once before from a hotel in Provincetown and honestly that one stung a lot more, and I know its because that one had to due purely with my work, whereas this job loss is completely economics based. So the ego didn't really take too big a hit. One thing does make me angry though. Rico chose me and not Rumy to let go. Rumy was technically my subordinate, and I'd been there far longer than her. It hurts that Rico felt Rumy was more valuable than me, and that I was not given the option of taking a shortened week or less money. Rumy definitely is payed less, so perhaps this was the deciding factor. Either way, it doesn't seem fair, but as my father properly taught me "life's not fair." 

I am tempted to vent about many of my experiences at the store, but I'll refrain from that now. Perhaps at a later date when I've got no money and no job and I really need to let off some steam. For now, I'll say that overall it was a good experience. Overall, Rico is a good man, a wonderful artist and designer, and a great boss, but often overly emotional and irrational.  

That said, I do not envy Rumy one bit. Running that store is going to be exhausting by herself, and dealing with Rico 5 days a week would drive anyone insane.  Even thinking of the current ongoing problems and having to deal with them all myself makes me feel really bad for her. Then I have moments of unbridled joy when I realized that Oh my God, I'm never going to have to deal bitching, anal customers, wrong pillows, wrong orders, seams coming undone, stains, delivery damage, exorbitant shipping costs, late deliveries, un-met lead times, coked-up designers, whack jobs that come off the street and waste my time, and literally thousands of annoying customers I've dealt with over the years ever again. Its clear I still haven't let go of alot of this stress because I still feel anxious when I think about certain issues. All things must come to an end, and although this one came to an end about 9 months too soon, I'm going to look at it as a blessing in disguise.

Because, as I said, I'm free. As much as I actually did like my job, it was a sort of trap and I had gotten everything out of it that I was going to. I was stressing about telling Rico that I was planning on going back to school and obviously thats not an issue anymore. There are several major bonuses. First, I have lots of time now to work on submitting kick-admission's-ass applications to my journalism schools. I can spend more time with my dog, with my husband, and at the gym. I can focus on my writing (my blog!) and most importantly, get a new job that has to do with writing! Yeah the economy is going down the shitter, but I'll try not to think about that too much. . .to Craigslist, my dears! I'll keep everyone updated!

The Obligatory Obama Oration

Yeah this isn't an oration, but I fucking love assonance so deal. And barring the tone of the topic and the previous sentence, I am overjoyed Barack Obama will be the next United States President. I am just as happy that George Bush is out of office and the Republicans are in retreat. 

Election night was quite nice. I come home and Rick is positioned in front of the TV with CNN (obviously, cause no other station has Campbell Brown and David Gergen), which was a strange sight considering he's usually asleep when I get home. 

I plop myself down, grab Rick's hand and wait for the returns to roll in. Ok, so it wasn't as dramatic as that, and as everyone knows, waiting for returns to come in can be as boring as watching paint dry, and then sitting back and deciding you just LOVE this new color (like what happened on Tuesday), or realizing you've just totally changed the room into this hideous new thing that doesn't agree with any of your social values (2000 & 2004). Yeah. Moving on. 

The very first returns made me just the slightest bit nervous. They projected a couple of states McCain was supposed to win, and he seemed neck and neck with Barack in several other states, with McCain slightly leading. Of John King, at his beloved Magic Map, kept saying that the urban, democratic areas had yet to be reported, but I was poised for the worst, given the outcomes of the last two elections that I was just sure would go to the Democrats. Well, they started calling more and more states for Obama and then he began leading in several key states. Of course the major turning point was when they called Pennsylvania for Obama. There is a bar just below our building with a back patio which we can hear very clearly now that there is a huge building shadowing it and reflecting all the noise up the side of it. Every time a state was projected for Obama, a huge roar would go up that seemed to shake the whole building, and there was no doubt we were living in good ole liberal Brooklyn. Soon after, Ohio was called for Obama, and although they couldn't call it yet, everyone started talking about the implications of Obama winning. As we all know, at 11 PM EST, they called the race and proclaimed Obama as President Elect. It was a wonderful moment, and Rick leaned over, said "this is good for us, baby" and kissed me. I could literally feel a weight lifting off my shoulders; a lightening. We popped a bottle of champagne and toasted to No More Bush, to Democratic, liberal leadership, and to the first African American elected President.

Of course people had been hooting and hollering the entire time outside and honking horns going down Atlantic Ave. This continued throughout the night even to the point where Rick had to get up because he couldn't fall asleep due to all the noise. He may have been a little excited, too. Now, I was a Hillary supporter and slowly warmed up to Obama as the race wore on. While I don't have the frothing-mouth, fanatical love for Obama as many people I know do, I have to say he has given me something that no other politician has ever given me: hope. Yes, just as he promised, just as he campaigned on. I knew it exactly the moment it happened, the next day. I was crossing the street and thinking about Grad school and applications and projecting what my future might be like depending on what school I go to. And then I realized that no matter where I went to school, Barack Obama would be President while I was going there. Not George Bush, not John McCain, not Sarah Palin or some other asshole who thinks of me as a second class citizen because I love another man. No it would be Obama and I actually felt a surge of happiness and above all, hope. It felt amazing. Here's the the future, O, let's make it a good one. 

Is it just me or is Gossip Girl getting crazy good as the season goes on?

I mean! I'm just sayin. . .