I'm gonna be a reporter!

No, seriously, I am. Just hold tight. I realized I never updated all my adoring fans with news of my graduate school hunt. Well, the long wait is over. I will be staying in New York City, attending the CUNY Graduate School of Journalism. This development is good for three main reasons:

1. I get to stay in the city that never sleeps (and where my husband has a job)

Yes, my feelings about New York over the years have fluctuated like the 2009 DJIA, but overall, I really do love this city. And what better place is there to learn to be a journalist? None, that's where. Another bonus is that we don't have to pack up and haul ass across the country because then Rick would have to find another job and Kippy would probably vomit in the car.

2. CUNY is astonishingly cheap, and I got a scholarship!

Tuition per semester for New York State residents is $3,765. Yes, you read that right, that's not per class, or per credit, but per semester. And that cost even includes all those bullshit extra charges schools like to throw at you like "student activity fee" and "Consolidated Fee." Please, tell me, what the fuck is a consolidated fee? Even better, I received a scholarship that will basically pay for the entire first semester. I can't think of a better situation than getting out of grad school (basically) debt free.

3. The CUNYGSJ is actually a great school and will prepare me well to be a top notch journalist.

Yes, I said actually. That's becuase the perception of CUNY is something of, well, a sub-par school. That's been my perception as well. Because let's face it, it ain't NYU or Columbia. This is a public school, and that's just fine with me. However, it's quite a about face from the wealthy, white kid world of Skidmore. I have to over my elitist sensibilites and learn to say CUNY with pride. And the thing is, it's hard to actually know how good the Journalism school is, because it's brand new. The school opened it's doors in 2006 and therefore has to build its reputation. Still, I have spent quite some time at the school and there is an exciting energy that permeates the facility. Their focus on building marketable skills and training students to be become "all-platform journalist" is way ahead of the curve. As reported last month in a New York Times article, the school has done away with track requirements and now students can choose classes to acquire skills that will most benefit them. Like most schools, I will get out of the school what I put into it and that presents me with a healthy challenge, which is good for me. My future awaits. . .

My long lost other brother?

No less than TWO people today have told me I like like Chris Pine, who plays Kirk in the new Star Trek movie coming out this month. Ok, so one was prompted, but the other person was a beautiful latino guy with sexy arms. What do you think? Separated at birth?

Tribeca Report: The Girlfriend Experience

I've been volunteering at The Tribeca Film Festival this week and by working connections and some old fashioned luck, I was able to get into The Girlfriend Experience, followed by a Q&A panel with director Steven Soderbergh and its stars, including real life "adult film" star Sasha Grey.



Hookers have feelings too. Yes, we've known that for ages, thanks to movies like Pretty Woman, Nights of Calabria, and even Moulin Rouge!, but rarely do we so such an intimate look into the life of a callgirl. Soderbergh breaks with convention by casting relative unknowns in the staring roles. Christine is portrayed by Sasha Grey, a well known adult film star, and her boyfriend Chris is played by Antonio Sabato Jr. look alike and film newcomer Chris Santos.

The plot follows Christine through her day cinéma vérité-style as she meets with clients, shops for expensive duds, meets with business advisors, and works out. Smart, business minded and confident, Christine seems like she's got it all together. However, when she meets a new writer client who makes a good match according to her personology books, her life gets turned upside down.

Soderbergh seems to be smirking as he toys with the audience in this film. For one, the movie is about a hooker, played by a porn star, yet there is no sex in the movie. For Ms. Grey, who has been filmed doing just about every sexual act one could conceive of and has anal sex "in almost every scene," the shocking thing in The Girlfriend Experience is that the audience barely catches a glimpse of her nude body.

He says the title refers to a type of hooker who provides more than just a quick fuck. Additionally, she provides "the girlfriend experience." That is, she's classy, clean, smart, and charismatic, and gives men a tantalizing taste of what it's like for her to be his girlfriend. In the movie, Christine is being interviewed by a New York Magazine writer who is dying to get inside her head. He wants to know what makes her tick; just like her clients, he's as interested in the girl as he is in getting under her panties. And here, Soderbergh is playing a similar game with his audience: can this porn star actually act? Most people know going into the movie that there is no sex, yet we are still drawn to the novelty of seeing a porn star in a more mainstream movie. We are as interested in her non-sexual skills as we are in her ability to be anally penetrated.

As it turns out, Ms. Grey can in fact act. She brings a cool, confident presence that dances between seductive and bored to almost every scene she's in. Christine comes of as selfish, yet strangely likable; when her armour finally cracks we feel protective of her rather than glad she's gotten her comeuppance. Topical and engaging, The Girlfriend Experience is an enjoyable film staring a likeable and intruiging new talent.

My dad grew up here. . .

A great counter to the Drew Carrey show's "Cleaveland Rocks!"

Yesterday I saw a man angrily banging on a payphone and had the same thought: "who the fuck still uses a pay phone?"

Robot Dinosaurs That Shoot Beams When They Roar

. . .is definitely the best name for a video game that I've heard in a long time. Um Jammer Lammy comes close but RDTSBWTR is still way better.

Plus it's free, and takes 5 minutes to beat. Plus, best roaring in a videogame to date. So check it out.

ROBOT DINOSAURS THAT SHOOT BEAMS WHEN THEY ROAR

Dreams do come true

I just received this in my inbox:

Hi, Jonathan Balthaser (jrbspice).

Britney Spears (britneyspears) is now following your updates on Twitter.

Check out Britney Spears's profile here:
http://twitter.com/britneyspears


Best,
Twitter

Just need to rope in Lady Gaga, and I can die happy. . .

Say hello to your newest Olympian

Nastia Liukin? Amateur. Micheal Phelps? Second rate pothead (not that that's a bad thing). Shawn Johnson? Dance out of the way, girl, and make room for a true champion: me. While I may not have gone home with a medal yesterday, I can proudly say I am one of the original Olympians at the first Unemployment Olympics.It's the stuff of legend: Strolling through the East Village with my trainer Kasim, we came upon a large group of people congregating in the basketball courts at Tompkins Square Park. A beautiful hand made sign told me we were in the right place.I could hardly believe the day had finally arrived. All my years of hard work and training were going to be put to the test! Today is the day! I sized up my competition - worthy competitors to say the least. Marginally overweight, but deceptively crafty, I could tell. This would be no small challenge. After presenting my unemployment letter, I received my name tag declaring me officially unemployed and eligible for the Games.First up: Pin-the-Blame-on-the-Boss. After donning a Wii ski cap, I twirled around twice and, pin in hand, blindly stumbled forward and jabbed wildly at the cardboard display. I already knew I had failed before I looked; the crowd's disappointed reaction told me everything I needed to know. Indeed, I had pinned the blame on the Economy (and interestingly, on the apex of the economy) and not the boss.

Dejected, but not without hope. My trainer and I ambled away from the crowd. No interviews, please. PtTotB was the event I was most likely to medal in, and already my hopes for a record setting 4 medal showing was dashed. To pick up our hopes, Kasim and I went across the street and god bless us! A hookah bar! We sat in the warm sun, ordered up a cantaloupe hookah and some delicious beer. Slowly, our spirits were restored and I was ready to claim victory. Apparently we had missed two other events while we were lazing around, but no matter; the 100-meter-dash-to-the-unemployment-office was up and glory would be mine!All the contestants lined up and with the shout of "You're Fired!" 20 or so Olympians sprinted across the court. I ran with all my heart and was the clear front runner! However, as I closed in on the Office, an older man overtook me and I could sense others gaining on me from behind. I poured it on for the last 20 meters and nearly destroyed the cardboard unemployment office as it tagged it.2nd place! While not the gold I had hoped for, relief and exhaustion overwhelmed me. The medal ceremony was quite emotional. Imagine my surprise at winning a $50 gift certificate to the Cubbyhole, one of my favorite bars in NYC. After giving several interviews, my trainer and I headed directly over to the bar to celebrate my efforts. Victory never tasted so sweet.

Call me when you have an offer for the Wheaties box