Goodbye for good

Dear Lost,

By the time you read this I'll be gone. I know we've had a tumultuous relationship over the years. We've laughed, we've cried, we've dodged polar bears in the jungle. You've excited and scared me more than anyone else since some of my first loves. . .Star Trek TNG, 24. . .but this isn't about them. . .it's about us. And were over. Once and for all. I know I've said that before, only to come running back to you and your Smoke Monster loving arms. But this time I mean it, were through. You'll have to employ one of your oh-so-clever flashbacks to revisit us in happier days.

When I first caught a glimpse of you when we would pass in the hallways, I thought you were a bit shallow. I've been around the block a few times, and I thought I'd seen the likes of you before. The Blue Lagoon, Lord of the Flies, hell, Robinson Crusoe beat you to whole dangerous-tropical-island thing by over three hundred years. Still, I kept hearing gossip about you. How hot you were. That you were smart, deeper than meets the eye, and surprisingly emotional. How much fun you are at a party. Your mysterious, dangerous past. I became intrigued. So, I took a shot in the dark. I said "hey," and you said "hey" right back. After several Wednesday night dates, I was obsessed.

It was love. Time passed as if in a dream. You were full of surprises and intrigue, and I loved all of your zany friends. All those nights taking walks on the beach, making out by the light of the Hatch, well, I'll never forget them. I wish we could go back to that time. I thought you might be "the one," but I admit, I began to get bored and frustrated by you a little bit. Your once titillating secrets were becoming confusing and a source of concern and I started to believe you were just making up stuff to try and and stay interesting, like some epic poseur. Some of your new (and old) friends were really annoying. I mean Niki and Paulo? Really? Where did you drag those winners up? All your little allusions, and clues, and surprises that used to seem so fresh, well, they got stale. And I thought it was just plain weird how there were all those random people who would hang around you and you would never introduce them to me.

I don't want to rehash how we broke up; it was ugly and we both said hurtful things. We both went our separate ways. Then, I found all these videos off you on the web. I was simultaneously disgusted and strangely excited to find out what you had been up to while I was away. You seemed to have gotten some of your shit together, and then flash forward and BAM! you were the talk of the town again! I shouldn't have done it, but I took you back.

The next year was, predictably, up and down. I liked your new friends, the Freighter folks, and you seemed to be opening up some about your mysterious past. Still, whenever you would confide in me one of your secrets, you reveled something else even more deeply buried. You still wouldn't shut up about your annoying friends Jack and Kate, and sometimes you would just babble on and on about your friends whose motivations I never quite understood. Still, I stayed by your side, perhaps bouyed by my memories of the golden years, hoping you'd get back to the way you were back then. Then, this year, it all began to unravel, again. Your stories got more and more preposterous and I just could go it on faith alone. You promised me I'd understand it all eventually, but I ran out of patience. I mean REALLY? Jack went to this father's house and stole his SHOES and put it in Locke's COFFIN? I just couldn't humor you anymore; I was bored again. Plus, American Idol is a better fuck.

Sorry, that was inappropriate. I know what a wreck you are these days, and I'm worried about you. So when you called me drunkely last night and asked to meet me at the diner, I agreed. You spilled your heart to me, but it was like you were a completely different person, like I didn't even know you anymore. I mean yeah, some things are still the same. Jack and Sawyer were still at each other's throats. . .that's just thrilling. But Sun is hanging out with Richard and the Others? And Jack is throwing nuclear bombs down big holes? And Juliet falls down said hole and survives? And then detonates said nuclear bomb with a fucking ROCK?! Oh no, Lost, oh no. You've really gone off the deep end. I have to cut off all communication. You need help. You need to go away for a while and work some of your shit out honey. I'm through with you. Goodbye for good.

Oh Jesus, who am I kidding? I will always love you in my own weird way. Call me next year, and maybe, just maybe, we can get together for coffee and talk.

xoxo
JB